Crack Park
by Leese
Summary: Lots of cursing abound. Ever notice how Kenny comes back to life after every episode? Could it be Capt. Scarlet is his father?!


The usual disclaimers apply. I don't own South Park, Captain Scarlet, or the movie "Stand By Me". I'm not making any money off of this.  
  
Rated R for profanity.  
  
  
  
  
  
The South Park boys were sitting in Cartman's house, watching TV.  
  
"Hey Kenny, is it true that your dad is Captain Scarlet?" Asked Kyle.  
  
Kenny nodded.  
  
"No fuckin' way, stupid!" yelled Cartman.  
  
"No, dude, I saw him at Kenny's house last week. Chef said you were his love-child," replied Kyle.  
  
"Hahahahaha!" laughed Cartman. "If Kenny was Captain Scarlet's son, then he'd come back to life in every episode."  
  
"Uh, Cartman, he does," answered Stan.  
  
"Dude, that is so fucked up!" swore Kyle.  
  
"Hey! I know, we can call up Captain Scarlet and ask him ourselves." Suggested Stan.  
  
"Dude, that would be so cool! We can call him and make fun of him when his microphone drops down and his shoulder lights come on." Said Kyle  
  
"Don't you assholes know anything? Those are lapel's." Retorted Cartman.  
  
"Fuck you, fat boy!" said Kyle.  
  
"Mom! I want more Cheesy Poufs!" Ordered Cartman.  
  
"I just gave you a full bowl of them, dear." Replied his mom.  
  
"The guys ate them all.  
  
"Did not, fatso." Replied Kyle, Stan, and Kenny (mumbling) in unison.  
  
"Just give me more Cheesy Poufs, dammit!" Yelled Cartman.  
  
"Oh, all right, dear, here you go," Cartman's mom brought in a huuuuge bowl of Cheesy Poufs, and put it in Cartman's lap. "Anything else mommy can get you dear?"  
  
"No! Now, go away, we're watching TV." Cartman yelled, red-faced.  
  
"Yo, dudes, shut up! Captain Scarlet's starting!" said Kyle.  
  
"What is he supposed to be, Superman?" Cartman teased.  
  
"No, stupid. Superman's indestructible. Captain Scarlet gets killed in, like, every episode and comes back to life." Explained Kyle.  
  
"So, Kyle, how come you know so much about Captain Scarlet? Are you his luuuuuv slave? Hahahahaha!" Cartman laughed, his stomach jiggling, spilling Cheesy Poufs everywhere."  
  
"Mom! I need more Cheesy Poufs!"  
  
"What happened to the bowl I just gave you?" asked his mom.  
  
"Kyle and Stan spilled it on the floor!"  
  
"Did not, ya tub of lard! Your fat stomach knocked it on the floor." Retorted Kyle.  
  
"Here you go, honey. When you need more, just holler, " His mom said sweetly.  
  
"Yeah, yeah. We're watching our show!" yelled Cartman.  
  
"Dude, shut the fuck up!" said Kyle.  
  
"'I don't shut up, I grow up and when I look at you, I throw up!'"  
  
"Whatever, fat boy." Kyle replied.  
  
"Guys, shut up. I'm trying to watch Destiny Ang…the show." Said Stan.  
  
"Nice try Stan. We know you wanna get into Destiny Angel's pants. Heeheehee." Cartman laughed.  
  
"Mmmf, mmmmfffmfff." Said Kenny.  
  
"Dude, why would Captain Scarlet paint her room orange?"  
  
"mmffmfff mmmmmfffmmmm"  
  
"Dude, that's so sick! And she didn't know you were there? Cool!" said Kyle.  
  
"Who gives a shit if Kenny can blend into Destiny Angel's room cuz he's all in orange. What's the big deal? He's only seeing a naked chick." Cartman said.  
  
"That's so like you fatso. All you care about is food." Kyle shot back.  
  
"Guys, let's call him!" said Stan.  
  
"Call who? Oh, yeah. Hey Kenny, do you wanna talk to your dad?" Asked Kyle.  
  
"mmmfffmmmm."  
  
"Cool, dude. Start dialing."  
  
The boys were watching the TV screen of Captain Scarlet standing in the briefing room. Suddenly, his microphone dropped down. "Hello?" He offered tentatively. On the other end of the microphone he heard, "Cool!" and someone hang-up.  
  
"Man, do that again!" Cartman said.  
  
"Kenny, call your dad again." Said Kyle.  
  
Captain Scarlet was still standing in the briefing room, his microphone dropped down again, "Hello? Who is this? If this is a Mysteron joke, it's not funny." He pouted.  
  
"Uh, Hi. Kenny, your son, has something to tell you…" said Kyle.  
  
"Put him on." Captain scarlet said, really irritated.  
  
"mmmfffmmm mmffmmffff hahahaha!"  
  
"Yes, that time we painted Destiny Angel's room orange was quite funny Kenny. But, it's white now. Hmm. I have noticed Colonel White slipping away from his desk for hours at a time, but, oh, well.  
  
Kenny, you know you can't call me at work! I've told your mother why I can't send child support."  
  
"mmmmmffmmmm mmmmfmmmfffffmmm."  
  
"Oh, I see. So, you and your friends want to see Destiny. I'll see if I can find her. Destiny? Destiny Angel?"  
  
Off in the background, TV viewers and Captain Scarlet can hear a woman screaming, "Get out!"  
  
Destiny comes on screen.  
  
"Bonjour, Captain Scarlet."  
  
"Is everything all right, Destiny?"  
  
"Oh, just fine! Colonel White painted my room white, thinking he could blend in with the color and I wouldn't notice. "  
  
"No! You don't say! Hey, your room's been white for a year now. You don't think…" Captain Scarlet trailed off.  
  
"That pervert! When I get my hands on him!"  
  
"Destiny, I think that's what he wants." Scarlet pointed out.  
  
"Oh, dear. Well, I'll deal with him later. What did you want Captain Scarlet?"  
  
"My so—uh, some TV viewers are on my radio frequency and would like to talk to you."  
  
"Oh, well, isn't that sweet. What are their names?"  
  
"Kenny, Kyle, Stan and Cartman."  
  
"Cartman? Sounds like a fat boy's name."  
  
In his living room, Cartman yells at the TV screen, "Who you calling fat? I'm big boned!"  
  
Back at Cloudbase briefing room…  
  
"Stan wants to get an up-close view of you, so would you mind walking closer to the camera?" asked Captain Scarlet.  
  
"Uh, OK. " she says as she walks closer to the camera.  
  
In Cartman's living room…  
  
"Dude, she's pretty!" says Kyle.  
  
"Yeah," says Stan, all dreamy-eyed. He imagines himself kissing Destiny Angel, suddenly, he pukes all over Cartman's bowl of Cheesy Poufs, which Cartman continues to eat anyway.  
  
"Mom! Is this a new flavor of Cheesy Poufs? You've gotta buy more!"  
  
The End. 


End file.
